My name is Denise McLean (Solis) and I am sharing this very personal story of my son’s triumph over depression and addiction with you.  A lot of parents across this country will be able to identify with my situation because they have experienced

Mom & son, family function

a similar one with their own child or family member.  However, in one particular way mine is different.  My son happens to be a household name known worldwide.  He is AJ McLean of the award-winning pop group, the Backstreet Boys.  He and his band mates worked hard for several years to achieve their success.  But with fame comes sacrifice and sometimes, as with my son, the stage lights fade and become a swirling black hole of drug addiction.  All of this has convinced me of one simple fact.  Love, intervention and the proper professional treatment can lead to a healthy, recovering lifestyle.

By the age of 6, my son knew exactly what he wanted to accomplish in his lifetime – to be an entertainer and make people happy.  By 8, AJ was working in professional theatre.  He amazed my entire family with his acting, singing and dancing abilities even then.  It was in his blood.  When he was 14, AJ auditioned for a five member vocal

Me and the Backstreet Boys

harmony group that was to become known as the Backstreet Boys.  By 16 my son and I were traveling the world together on a rigorous schedule of promotional shows and private tutoring lessons.
 
Growing up on the road in show business wrapped my son in a sort of safety net.  He was on a strict schedule from the time he woke up until he closed his eyes at night.  School, rehearsals, shows, singing and dancing lessons enveloped his life.  As he grew into manhood more was expected of him than he had the coping skills to deal with. Basically, he was an 18 year old with the pressures of a corporate CEO on his shoulders.  He was one of five people responsible for over 200 crew members, technicians and support staff on any given tour. That is too much for any young person to deal with.  It definitely proved to be too much for my child.

AJ did what any proud young man would; he swam as hard as he could to keep his head above water.  But

He and I both learned that addiction is a lifelong struggle and recovery has to become your lifestyle.

the sharks began to circle him and soon closed in.  Depression and drinking were the two first stones that dragged him under.  Dealing with the lack of a private life, not seeing his family for longer and longer periods of time, and finally the grave illness of his grandmother led him deeper and deeper into a depressed state whose only relief seemed to be alcohol.  AJ’s grandmother had been like a second mom to him growing up.  He could not fathom this feisty redhead succumbing to anything, even congestive heart failure. 

I traveled with my son on this path of success from day one.  I watched him and his adopted “brothers” rise to fame through sweat and endless hours of practices and performances.  I was there through the girlfriends, sibling-like spats and joyous and exhilarating moments.  My son and I shared everything. 

So when he began to pull away from me it was no wonder I became confused and angry. 

Denise & AJ collage by Dottie Cooper Katz

I was not familiar with the symptoms of addiction and had no clue what was happening to my child.  The pressure of my mother’s illness and constant questions from my family about my son’s strange behavior drove me into a state of total denial.  I wanted to believe it was a phase, a teenage rebellion that he would outgrow.  But it only got worse.  AJ’s vampire-like lifestyle of partying all night with sleazy friends and sleeping all day in his cave of a bedroom repeated daily.

I tried to reach him through conversations but as I learned later, addicts are great manipulators -- and he was no exception.  He would tell me exactly what I wanted to hear so that I would leave him alone.  When his band mates tried to intervene he did the same. He’d just agree to all of their demands and somehow convince them he could quit drinking on his own.

In early summer of 2001, the four other Backstreet Boys and I came to the decision

AJ in sunglasses

for the upcoming tour to have a therapist fly out every other week and work with AJ one on one.  The boys also insisted that he have at least one family member on the road with him whenever possible.  In the past this seemed to help all the boys cope with the hectic schedule.  At first this plan appeared to work well.  AJ talked with the therapist and she was there to answer my questions as well.   But AJ just adapted to the new situation and became even more manipulative, and his drinking continued.

One night he and I were out at an arcade and I suddenly saw him drinking a beer.  When I challenged him about it he became defensive.  He tried to tell me that the therapist had advised him to not stop drinking all together but rather, slow down to just a few drinks a night.  I found this odd but AJ insisted this was their course of action.  I became angry and a fight ensued.  I went back to the hotel to ask the therapist if AJ’s

Denise and Diane Sawyer

story was true.  She said it was not.  She explained about how addicts will manipulate the truth to suite their needs.  At that point I had to know.  I looked her square in the eye and asked if my son was an addict.  She answered with a stern and serious “yes” that tore my heart from my chest.

Shortly after that incident I had to leave for home due to my dad taking ill. I arranged for another family member to join AJ on the road but he could not do it for about a week.  That week was all it took for my son to fall back into the abyss.  What none of us had realized at this point in his addiction was that not only was AJ drinking heavily every night, he was also using cocaine and prescription drugs.  It was a potentially deadly combination.

The very next weekend I got a phone call from my son that I will never forget.  It was a Sunday and I was preparing to go see my parents.    He was crying hysterically

AJ at Wedding Rehearsal

on the other end of the line, begging to come home.  He told me that he and Kevin -- another member of the Backstreet Boys -- had had a terrible fight and at that moment AJ realized he needed help.  He explained how Kevin had broken down the door to his hotel room and told him off.  Kevin went so far as to threaten AJ and told him if he did not do something now the group would have no choice but to make him leave.  That threat changed my son’s life. I calmed him down and proceeded to call the therapist.  She went to his room and convinced him to admit himself into rehab.  She made some calls and the next day he was on his way to a facility in Tucson.  When I got the call that he was safe and getting help I cried for a long time.  Part of me was scared for my child and part was relieved that this nightmare would start to come to an end.

2001 was the worst year of my life.  My mother passed away in April and my son admitted himself

Denise and AJ on Oprah

into rehab in July.  It was not until I went to visit him during his 30-day treatment that both of us started healing.  Part of his therapy was called “family week.”  We both attended sessions to learn how to cope with addiction and life after rehab. AJ learned how to face his depression and deal with the roots of it so he could heal his mind and body.  He and I both learned how addiction is a lifelong struggle and recovery has to become your lifestyle. 

Today my son and I have a new found appreciation for each other and AJ has matured immensely through his experience.  He is devoted to his recovering lifestyle and staying whole.  He attends meetings faithfully and surrounds himself with other healthy people like himself.

I was so grateful to get my son back that I knew that was the right time to tell my story to the world. Hopefully my experiences could help another mother deal with her addicted child or family member. 

Denise at book signing, Tampa, FL

I needed to give back.  So I wrote my book Backstreet Mom, A Mother’s Tale of Backstreet Boy: AJ McLean’s Rise To Fame, Struggle With Addiction And Ultimate Triumph.

Education for parents and teens is the key to recovery.  The more you know, the better equipped you can be to deal with the onset of this terrible disease.  I have told my story through the media on shows like “Oprah,” “Good Morning America” and “20/20.”  I have lectured to parents, Girl Scouts, recovering addicts and anyone else who will listen. I will continue to tell my story in the hopes that I can help one child, parent, or anyone else who has dealt with addiction see there is a light at the end of the long black tunnel.