The most important step you can take in addiction intervention for an adult is to speak up and urge him or her to get help. This is especially crucial if you notice any of the early signs of alcohol or drug dependence, like excessive use and/or drinking at inappropriate times or places (e.g., during work or while playing sports), or if they have suffered negative consequences as a result of use, such as absenteeism from classes or work, or arrests.
Don't try to determine the severity of your child's substance problem yourself -- urge him or her to get help as quickly as possible. As you go through the process of helping your child, keep in mind:
- If your child is experiencing medical or legal crises, point to these as examples that show the extent of the problem. When the acute impacts of the crisis have been alleviated, talk about the need for help. In these situations, help has a very good chance of being accepted.
- Resist the urge to enable the substance use to continue by rescuing your child from the negative consequences without pressuring him to seek help. People often decide to change their behavior because they experience painful crises. If you rescue your child, you will reduce the impact of those experiences. Do not tell lies to cover for your child's behavior. Do not let your son stay at your home when he's been thrown out of his home. Do not explain to your daughter's boss that her belligerent behavior is not really "her" but caused by "stress."
- You need to set boundaries. If you think your child has a substance use problem, you can start setting limits by not allowing drinking or drug use around you. Be clear about what behavior you will and will not tolerate. Don't be afraid to set clear rules including 1) Do not come to my home drunk, high, or with drugs on you. 2) If you visit us when you are high, we will not let you in. 3) None of your friends can come here drunk, high, or with drugs on them. 4) If you or your friends refuse to leave, we'll call the police.
- Tell your child that you won't accept verbal promises and that he must take positive action to back up his words.
- Get support for yourself. Al-anon and/or professional help can help give you the confidence to take a firm stand with your child -- and maintain it for the long haul. Also, support will help you take care of yourself -- one of the most important steps you can take to help your son or daughter.
How to Get Treatment
If your child agrees to treatment, or even agrees to consider it, make connections with a treatment center right away. Have phone numbers for alcohol and drug counseling services, physicians who are knowledgeable about alcoholism and drug dependence, local hospitals that treat alcoholics and addicts, and Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous available and ready.
You may have to be the one to choose the treatment. This task may seem daunting, but remember: there are no "right" or "wrong" choices, and any health care professional with knowledge of substance use disorders can help you. To find treatment programs in your area, call your family doctor, local hospital, county mental health society, or school counselor for a referral. You can also call 800-662-HELP (800-662-4357) or do a search on the Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator.
Don't stop there. Remember that agreeing to treatment is only the first step toward getting well. Your child will need your direct support and steady involvement every step of the way if he or she is to get well.
If Your Child Refuses Treatment
If your adult child refuses to go for treatment immediately, show your willingness to do anything to help your child get treatment in the future. For example, you can say: "I will go with you to Twelve Step meetings. I will go with you to meet with a physician, counselor, social worker or family therapist. I will be involved in whatever way the treatment program thinks I could be of most help."
If all else fails, you may need to withdraw financial and emotional support or end all contact with your child. Let your child know that you will always be available when he or she decides to get help.
Source: Mary Ann Amodeo, Join Together; Partnership for a Drug-Free America