As kids get older and their desire for independence grows, parents often step back to give them space – but your kids still need to know you love and care for them, no matter what is going on in their lives. But, if you're parenting teenagers, research shows that no matter what your kids may say or how they may act, they want to stay involved with their families. "Bonding is important throughout the life course and particularly important during adolescence," says Richard Catalano, Ph.D., Professor and Director of the Social Development Research Group at the University of Washington's School of Social Work and co-creator of the Staying Connected with Your Teen "We know that kids who are bonded to parents who hold healthy beliefs and clear standards -- particularly about drug use or alcohol use -- are much less likely to get involved in any kind of problem behavior." Bonding helps reduce the chance that your kids will engage in risky sexual activity or crime, try drugs or alcohol, or drop out of school.

According to Catalano, there are three main building blocks you can put into play when parenting teenagers to encourage a strong relationship: provide opportunities for meaningful involvement, teach your kids the skills they need to be actively involved, and offer recognition for their efforts.

1. Provide Teens with Opportunities: Household chores are a great way to get younger kids involved with daily family life. But when parenting teenagers, you should understand that teens require a higher level of involvement and responsibility. They need the chance to help with family decision-making. It can be as simple as asking your teen, Where do you think we should go on our next family vacation? Or, if you're buying a new car, ask your teenager to help research the latest models.
2. Teach Them Skills: Set your teen up for success. If you give him new responsibilities around the house, teach him how to do the necessary task. If you want him to help you make a decision about a new purchase or family event, give him the criteria she needs to make an informed opinion. (For example, if she's going to research cars for you, tell her how many seats it should have or if you'll only consider an automatic transmission.) And if he's pushing for the chance to buy his own clothes? Teach him how to budget for what he need to buy. "You have to give teens the scaffolding so that they'll have the skills for that particular decision-making involvement," says Catalano. When parenting teenagers, they aren’t the only ones with lessons to learn.
3. Recognize Their Efforts: After your teen finishes a task, or at least shows that he really tried, make sure you recognize his effort. "That recognition really provides the motivation for kids to continue," says Catalano. But, he adds, "recognition is a tricky wicket. Make the recognition fit the child." Don't try to push hugs on a teen who blanches at physical affection. Instead, give him a verbal high five.

When parenting teenagers, you should look at every situation as a learning opportunity. Giving them the tools to make good decisions within a family environment will help them make good decisions in all aspects of their lives.