Sometimes friends and family members may feel that they constantly express concerns about a loved one's substance use but never see any changes. You may have reached this point after weeks or months of giving lectures, making threats, ignoring behaviors, accepting promises of change, giving second chances, or imposing consequences.

Experts recommend developing and repeating a consistent, positive message: "We care about you and we want you to get help." Define substance use as a problem for you and others who care about the person. Avoid blaming, arguing, and reproaching; and expect denial, distortion, avoidance, rationalization, and intellectualization of the problem.

Perhaps a friend, another family member, doctor, clergy, boss, co-worker or other significant person might be able to have an effective discussion. Or maybe the substance user would respond to activities you can do together, such as reviewing brochures or videos, meeting with a professional, or going to a self-help or Twelve Step meeting.

DOs and DON'Ts
As you continue to try to talk to the person in need of help, please remember these important details:

• Don't try to talk when either one of you is under the influence.
• Do protect yourself and others around you from physical harm.
• Do call police if there is violence.
• Do set limits that will protect your home, finances, and relationships, and stick to those limits.

And if you are at your wits' end, you might consider an intervention.