Holly was my best friend, well best friend in addiction. My kids loved her and I loved her. She was an awesome girl. Always smiling and looking for the bright side. I guess that's where the problems started. She wasn’t just my friend; she was a mother, a sister, and someone’s daughter. 

I remember the first time I ever used heroin. Holly begged me not to do it. Not to make myself sick. My husband hated Holly because she was my "Junkie” friend before I became an addict. I would bring Holly to my house and try to sober her up. She would lie in my room for days throwing up, the whole dope sick thing. It never worked. She'd get clean for a minute and then go right back to the devil.

Then one day, I went to see Holly and hang out. I had been fighting with my family and husband. I started taking Xanex to calm my nerves. Before I knew it, we were in Cincinnati buying dope. The next choice I made I am still paying for. We bought the dope and went to some friend’s house in Alexandria, KY. I went in the bathroom with Holly and from this moment forward I was ruined.

I wasn’t one who was scared of much, and the mood I was in I did not care if I lived or died, so I thought. I did not mess around with snorting it or smoking it. I asked if Holly had another needle, and went straight to shooting heroin. That by far is the worst decision I ever made. And, Holly told me so. But from then on, it was a daily habit that I thought was making me feel better, but was actually taking everything I loved away from me.

I lost everyone including my children. My mother and father tried over and over to get me to stop. But, I continued on like I was untouchable. I went to Florida and got into some trouble that ended up costing me big time. Eventually I lost 2 years of my freedom by going to prison on drug charges. Which now I see is a small price to pay for the life I was leading.

When I got home, I told my husband I was going to try and find Holly again and see how she was doing. Also, I wanted to try to scoop her up for recovery since now I was in the same position as an addict, as her. My husband looked at me and said, “She’s dead Deanna from Heroin and you are going to join her if you do not stop.”  He acted like I wanted to call her for drugs, which was not the case. I had already made my mind up to stop on my own, but those words hurt me more than any other ever had.

I think everyday about how short her life was and how dear she was to her own mother. And, now her daughter is growing up without a mother or a father.  Holly was the one who told me not to ever do this drug. I'm still here today because of Holly Gilbert. Even though I started this drug with her, I stopped because of Holly too.

I wish I could have said good bye, and I wish I could tell her thank you. Even though her life was taken by an evil malicious drug and her family is missing her tremendously. I wish I could just let them know that their daughter, sister, mother and my friend did not die in vein. Her passing was my coming into sobriety. And she saved my life!!