In the summer of 2000 my wife and I discovered that our 15-year-old son David had a substance abuse problem. As most parents when they first make this sort of discovery, we faced myriad emotions, among them anger, confusion and fear.
We looked for help and were indeed fortunate that Fairbanks Treatment Center was close by. Fairbanks did an initial assessment of our son and recommended that he participate in their Intensive Outpatient Program or IOP. Unfortunately, the program was already at capacity and could not enroll him for several months. So armed with the knowledge that our son did have a serious problem which needed our immediate attention, we spent the next six months working as best we could on our own, to combat it.
But, by December of 2000 we came to the realization that we were losing the struggle with David. On New Year’s Eve he came home from a party after dropping acid and abusing alcohol. After a painful and tearful confrontation he agreed to seek treatment at Fairbanks. Fortunately for us, they were able to accommodate him this time, and so we began the New Year 2001 at Fairbanks, and added hope to the many emotions we were experiencing.
The treatment regimen at Fairbanks was not only for David, but for my wife and me as well. Dave attended four meetings a week while my wife and I participated in two, one with him and the other a parent education program for family members. And it was the parent education program that provided us with invaluable information and tools with which to deal with David's addiction.
We learned about the disease of chemical dependency, how it is an affliction that is not temporary in nature but more one like diabetes that requires constant attention and monitoring for the rest of one's life.
We learned about addiction from a physical, emotional, and psychological perspective, and we learned about relapse, the triggers that cause it, and what we could do to prevent it, or deal with it when it did occur.
Finally we learned about love…and how sometimes love enables or facilitates addiction. We learned that sometimes there must be tough love to combat the addiction. And we learned that in the end there is always unconditional love that holds us together and says that while we hate what this addiction is doing to you and to us, we will always love you.
While tentative at first, David did well in the program. He attended meetings faithfully, participated fully in discussions and did not shy away from the intense self-examination that comes when addicts get together in small groups and inevitably strip away the trappings of denial and self pity.
After three or four weeks David began to publicly acknowledge that he was an addict -- all the while taking and successfully passing weekly drug tests. He also started attending weekly meetings of Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous and began to search for a sponsor, all necessary elements for success in the Fairbanks recovery program.
But the success David was having at Fairbanks came at a price. As often happens with recovering addicts, he replaced his drug and alcohol abuse behaviors with other risk-taking activities. He was arrested twice for non-drug related offenses, and his grades at school suffered tremendously.
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David as a young boy.
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This photo was taken the December David went into treatment.
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We have come to believe that in death David has given us the gifts of hope and recovery that have enabled us to help him make that difference by continuing to share his story.
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We can't help David now, what we do from here on out is for ourselves and for others. That is why we do what we do and why we tell our story.
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I am a recovering addict who now produces a tv/dvd series "Inside Addiction" please visit my site and watch episodes of the show. If you so feel compelled to continue sharing your story please conatct me to discuss coming on the show.
Thank you for sharing your story,
Dean
www.insideaddiction.org
www.youtube.com/insideaddiction
dean hale
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I am a professor of psychiatric nursing and unfortunately I see daily the toll of drugs on the lives of our patients. I wanted to thank you for your video. I am showing it in lecture to our students when we are focusing on Substance Abuse. It makes the problem personal and real for the students. These students in addition to being future registered nurses are also in most cases parents themselves. Please know that David is making a difference in their lives. May God watch over you.
Brenda LeFevre
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You must be so proud looking at your tribute site, it is filled with tributes from young and old. What great work, Brian surely is very proud of you both. I lost Nathan on Oct. 29th four years ago and reading your story just adds a little bit of piece to my hurting heart. For I still somtimes wonder, what if? Addiction is evil at it's core, and it is hard for us to understand how they could just leave us like thatnand a story like yours reminds me they didn't!!
God bless you, god bless David
Beate Konduris
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I felt like crying after hearing and watching the video. God bless the soul
sandy hirsche
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I am very honored to know the Manloves and would like to share with everyone how inspiring and amazing they are. They share David's story with so many and are truly making a difference in this world. My heart breaks for their loss, yet my face smiles from their strength. This world is blessed by your families presence in so many ways. David- you are changing the world one person at a time!
Tonia Smith
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I really don't want to sound like everybody else, saying I am sorry. Truth is, I am. It's a really sad thing to have happen to your family. I never met him & I just learned about what happened to him last month. I think it's great that you are using his story to inform others about the growing problem in the teen scene. I'm from Indiana so David's story hit close to home. It made me realize what high school peer pressure is like. His story opened my eyes. I am honestly so sorry for your loss
Marie Gribbins
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I was actually friends with David. I met him when he worked at Finish Line, while he was a sophomore. He was a beautiful person inside and out. He had the most amazing eyes that you will ever see. He will always be missed. Although I could not make his funeral due to a youth group trip through Lawrence Central, I got to say my goodbyes through a memorial ceremony that was given. He is in my thoughts all the time.
Ashley Williamson
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First I'd like to say that I am sorry to hear about your loss of David. I'm a seventh grader at Inman Middle School in Paris,TN.
We watched David's story, and I thought to myself, can this really happen.? I thought that this story can make a difference to the world and to the 16 families that Kim had mentioned about losing a child. Right then and there it stuck to me like a blade in my heart. I know now if i'm asked to do huffing, my only choice will be no thanks. Thank You.
Alexis Ward
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Saturday Feb. 10, 2007
I am so sorry for your loss. The coroners report is not in, we are waiting on the toxicology report but we suspect "HUFFING" as my sons cause of death. We had his funeral only 2 days ago. If the cause is "HUFFING", he was not aware of the ultimate consequence - DEATH - I never knew about huffing. We had his funeral 2 days ago. Tyler was only 14 and had not had any drug problems. My goal will now be to make an awareness/prevention group to educate kids.
michel Townsend
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Thank you so much for the work you are doing. I appreciate the courage it took for your family to speak out. Our 20 year old son died of a drug overdose on August 6, 2005. It broke my heart to read the story of your beautiful son. It broke for you and for me, because I could see ourselves in your story. David's life will make a difference for many others.
Debra Reagan
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I just read your article then watched the video and cried. I lost my son Rusty to a cocaine overdose on July 7, 2005. He was 18. My wife and I started a teen and young adult drug and alcohol support group called Rusty’s House. I commend you for taking a step forward in this awful disease of addiction. I to speak at schools and youth groups and tell Rusty’s story. It is hard but necessary. This is my life now, like you, I will never give up. This is GODS will and we both will see our sons again.
Rick Marvin
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So very sorry about your loss. What a cool guy. I wish that I would have had the opportunity to have known David. Thanks also for all you have done to coordinate the Vigil for Lost Promise. Your courage has been inspirational.
Phil Bauer
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