WHO I AM

I am 78 years old, and of the Lummi nation. I was born in Bellingham, Washington, which is on the water, near the Canadian border. My father was of the Lummi tribe, and my mother was of the Yakima tribe. I was the youngest of 12

Brother John and Margaret, all cheeks!

children, and I am the last one. My parents, my uncles, aunts, and brothers and sisters are all gone.

MY FATHER

My father was a longshoreman. He drank and had been very abusive physically and verbally to my mother, though growing up I didn't witness anything. Once my mother said to me, "You know, I didn't always look like this, this is what your father did to me." My oldest brother left home. I remember fights and trouble. It was the Depression days. My closest brother was John, and we would hear the fighting of family members. I said to him, "We won't be like that, will we, John?" And he said, "No." Later, John became an alcoholic.

GOING TO SCHOOL

My grandfather had a longhouse, and as children, we took part in celebrations there, learning Indian teachings. I went to school in a three-room building on the reservation. I had eight years of schooling. In ninth grade, I needed to bring in materials for Home Economics class, but my father

My brother John, in the U.S. Air Force.

refused to give me money to buy them. I told my mother I wasn't going back to school without them. I heard my father say, "Okay, then she can go out to work in the fields." I was so angry with him. I wanted him to make me go to school.

GETTING MARRIED

I was 17 or 18, working in the berry fields. My first husband was a nice man. We got married and had a little girl. He started to drink with the guys. One time we were going to a carnival. He had been working in a logging camp all week. He got mad at me, because I wouldn't take a drink of whiskey. He offered me the bottle, and when I said no, he slapped me. I walked home and told my mother, "Don't let him in." My husband served overseas in WWII, and when he came back, he was not the same. He drank heavily and we divorced. I jumped from the frying pan, right into the fire, several times more. All of my marriages did break up because of drinking, on the part of my husbands, or later, myself. You could say I had weddings,

First career, 25 years of nursing.

but no marriages.

BEGINNING MY CAREER (AND DRINKING)

In my 20s, I got my first paid job, moving to Tacoma to work at a hospital. After a hard week, our supervisor would say, "it's time to have a little fun." They'd all go to a dance place. I thought I was missing something. I never had gone on dates, or been courted, or gone out to movies. I had married young, and had kids young. Eventually, we weren't partying, we were drinking, usually beer. I didn't take it seriously, because no one else did. I blacked out many times, and never thought of it. Indians were not allowed in the taverns, so the men would drink at house parties. In 1953, they opened the bars to Indians, and I went out drinking beer, gin or cocktails. I divorced again, due to drinking. By this time, I had four children.

FIGHTING OVER MONEY

I took a risk and married again. He was more of a husband to me, and was there for my children. Through a government relocation program, we

With my sons Dennis and David, Camp Pendleton, CA

moved to San Francisco, and had a little girl. I worked as a nurse at an Army hospital on the pediatrics unit. It was very hard to see children with serious illnesses. My husband's and my drinking were progressing, and our marriage ended. I married a final time. The attraction was drinking together, and we just about destroyed each other. It was not a good life. He was abusive. My oldest daughter used to try to help me when he beat me. We fought a lot over money -- he told me to hang on to it, so he wouldn't spend it. But when he was drunk, he would make me give it to him. When he was sober, he didn't remember, and yelled at me, saying, "What did you do with the money?"

MY WORST MOMENTS

My mother never did get over my father passing away. She had married him at 16 and they were about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. She moved in with me and I took care of her. Once, she looked at me and said, "You're such a nice looking person, but you're so ugly

The alcoholic marriage, and last marriage, 1971.

when you're drunk." One year after she passed away, my oldest son David died, at 22. He had served in Vietnam. When he came back, he drank heavily and he died in a drug-related accident. I drank more, and lived on pep pills to help my hangovers. I was pretty broken up. I was partying all night, sometimes two or three nights in a row. Once I went to a bar at 6 am. It was very dark, and when I came around the corner inside, I saw an ugly woman. I thought to myself, Boy, is she ugly. If I looked like that, I wouldn't go out. Then I bumped into the mirror, and I saw it was me.

DRINKING BUT THINKING

Back in Bellingham, I was curious about the new detox programs in development and visited a center. They offered me a job, having no idea I was an active alcoholic. I recognized that I was in trouble but I knew nothing about being sober. I stopped drinking for a year, then relapsed. I felt lost, I had no energy, I felt I didn't have a purpose in life. My children didn't want

Graduation Day. Receiving my Associate's Degree in my 60s.

me around my grandkids when I was drinking.

TREATMENT AND BEYOND

I knew I needed help, and went to the Olympic Treatment Center, doing 28 days there. I stopped drinking. Later I was hired there. I began to learn about alcoholism on the job. I listened to people speaking at AA meetings. Back in those days, if you were sober 90 days, they figured you knew everything. I would go to workshops, and the leader would ask, "How many of you are managing a program with very little sobriety?" And everyone would raise his or her hand. I became a certified chemical dependency specialist. When I was in my 60s, I got my associate's degree. I retired from the addiction treatment field at 71.

MY LIFE TODAY

I am sober now and have been for 20 or more years. I had five children, and all of them did experience drinking. David died. Three are sober, one struggles on and off. I have two grandchildren who are in sobriety, fairly recently. My second husband had

I am a Prayer Warrior.

placed two of my children in a Catholic mission school in South Dakota when they were young. I didn't feel good enough to take care of them. I thought I didn't have anything to offer them. In a way, my kids and I grew up into adults together, I married so young. In spite of our drinking, there are many good things that have happened in my family. I am so proud of all my children. They achieved their high-school educations, and higher, and today the same is coming true for my grandchildren. I tell all of my grandchildren, and my great-grand children, getting an education is a top priority.

DRAWING THE FAMILY TOGETHER

This year, I set a goal for my son Dennis to meet his own son Dennis, Jr. and grandchildren. He had never seen his six grandchildren. Dennis Jr. was drug-affected, did time, and now is back out. I told Dennis, Jr., when you get your issues all worked out, I will bring your father to see you. And I did. When they met, it was like they had never been apart.

My son Dennis, my daughters Sue, Shirley, and Sharon, and me. Sue and I have on our regalia -- Pow Wow time.

The grandkids jumped all over him. It was one of the happier events of my life. I believe family should all know family, and be together. I am part of a worldwide Grandmother Circle. We believe it is up to the grandmothers to draw the family together. Our circle is all about reaching for a good way of life, alcohol- and drug-free. We all grow up by mistake and error. There can be no blame, no shame. It's not anybody's fault. I feel like there is a long line, and on one side is the negative and one side is the positive. It's good to be on the positive side.

BEING A PRAYER WARRIOR

People look to me as an Elder and as a Prayer Warrior. They ask me to pray for them and their loved ones, and I do. I was baptized as a Catholic, but first I am an Indian. When I was 17, an old Indian man said to me, "If you come to Indian spirituality in your old age, it would be a good thing." In our way, when we describe something as good, that is the ultimate. I returned to the Indian way of life four years ago.

TO EVERYONE READING THIS

So many don't see any good in life. They're always defensive and negative. I say, work to change that attitude. Ask yourself, "Why don't I be the one in my family to break the chain?" Seek help. There is always hope, and there is life after addiction. Healing my family is a slow process, and you need to be in it for the long haul. I never give up hope. My family knows that I pray. They will ask me, "Grandma, pray for me." Prayer comes from the heart. It doesn't have to be big fancy words. Spirituality is the key to changing a lifestyle. Work at making the change.