WHO I AM
I was born and raised on Hawaiian Homestead land, land that was separated and leased to island natives. It's similar to reservation land. I'm Native Hawaiian, 34, the second youngest of 11. My mom passed away when I was 1, and my dad  |
| Wai ` anae Men in Recovery, on the road in Malokai. |
remarried. Growing up with so many kids was very hard. I always got leftovers and hand-me-downs. But it was also good for me because I was well-protected by my brothers and sisters.
MY FIRST TIME WITH DRUGS/ALCOHOL
Being exposed to drugs and alcohol was very common where I grew up. Marijuana lined the backyard of the home I lived in, and cases of alcohol filled the icebox. At 10, I smoked my first marijuana joint. Alcohol was a normal weekend thing on homestead land. My dad worked as a truck driver and his friends would come over, drinking and smoking. I brought their beer to the table for them. One day I tasted it — it tasted nasty. Then when all of my friends started drinking, it tasted good.
MY DAD
He was so busy at work, he didn't have time to discipline us. One time I smoked marijuana and got really sick at school, and my dad had to pick me up. He was disappointed. I didn't get caught up in alcohol or drugs at an early age. At 11, I got really involved in water sports. I started canoeing, and hanging around the beach. Well, once you're at the beach, you've got to get in the water and start surfing. First I competed at local events, then state level, then higher.
ON TOP OF THE WAVE
At 16, I was a professional athlete, joining the World Tour, surfing around the world. In 1988, at the age of 17, I was ranked 3rd in the world at the World Championships, and in '89 I was Rookie of the Year. All these sponsors showed up for endorsements. I had a check coming to me, boxes of clothes, surfboards. I wasn't ready to handle the attention and success. I got caught up in that touring lifestyle. I drank all over the world. I smoked all over the world. It was that beach boy lifestyle. My career started slipping away from me. There was a lot of stuff floating around on tour. Cocaine was all over the place. I would drink heavily the night before an event, and show up to meets late. I didn't compete at the level I could. My professional surfing career ended at 22.
MY PIECE OF THE ACTION
When I came back, I lost everything: my home, my car, my fiancee. I was living in California. I went into depression, and ended up flying back to Hawaii with one bag of clothes. My childhood friends and I all grew up in poverty, but now everyone seemed to have beautiful cars and jewelry. I found out they were dealing drugs and wanted a piece of the action. I got caught up right away. I was managing a beach service and dealing drugs: crystal meth, cocaine, marijuana. I ended up being a consumer instead of a dealer. I consumed a lot. At the age of 24, I was highly addicted to crystal meth. When you're using crystal meth, you're bound to get in trouble with the law, because when you come down, you become violent. I was going in and out of jail. At 26, I was going toward the bottom. I had physically abused my girlfriend. My life was shot. I was on probation, but I continued to get into trouble. Being suicidal from meth use, suffering from depression and low self-esteem gave me each and every day an excuse to use more and to steal more. Being penniless, being homeless, with broken relationships — I had nothing.
MY WORST MOMENT
I was 27. I had been drinking and using meth. I went into this bar, looking for my girlfriend at the time. We got into a major fight inside the bar. The bouncers and bar security tried to stop me. I remember being hog-tied, my face down on the ground, and being beaten up. I threatened them that if I ever got out, I would kill them, and left. I went home, put my shotgun in my truck, and drove back to the bar. It was almost closing time. I drove my truck straight into the bar. I pinned those guys on the ground. I was ready to shoot, I got the gun out. I remember getting sober instantly. What the hell was I doing? I left the scene, and was picked up and arrested. Sitting in prison on three attempted murder charges, and facing 35 years to life humbled me, to say the least. I had lost myself.
BEGINNING RECOVERY
The charges were reduced, and I was eligible for drug treatment. The judge stated that he didn't want to ever see me in front of him again, and off I went to a treatment center called Ho`omau Ke Ola, which translated into English means: To perpetuate life as it was meant to be. The treatment brochure really threw me off. I was picturing a Hawaiian-culture based facility. I get there and this white guy invites me in. I wasn't expecting to see a white man, I was blown away. The staff was white. I thought, they don't know my culture, what do they know that I don't know? Well, they knew my culture. They taught me how to identify who I really was.
They made us farm. We farmed a taro patch. In Hawaiian legend, when Wakea (Sky Father) and Ho'ohoukalani had a child, it appeared gnarled like a plant root. The grieving couple buried the baby, and a taro plant sprouted. The couple's next child was born healthy, and was named Haloa. Haloa became the ancestor of the Hawaiian people. Taro is considered the root of life, and sustains and nourishes people. Taking care of the land, I found myself.
RELAPSE AND RECOVERY
Recovery is a one day at a time thing. When I was in residential treatment, I thought I knew everything, I complied with my treatment plan, I followed the house rules, I became the role model client. One month into treatment I was allowed to go out on a community pass. I went right out and used meth with a fellow client. By relapsing, I was risking my freedom. My counselor laid it out, made me realize I was gambling with my life, that I had to make changes. I finally understood. I've been clean and sober ever since that day: August 2, 1997. My family came to my graduation ceremony. I'd never seen my dad cry before. He was so proud. I always felt so short in accomplishing things, but I accomplished this. The recovery program offered me a new way of living. It gave me a set of principles that I can live by. All I have to do is stay clean and sober one day at a time and deal with life on life's terms.
WHO HELPED ME
That white guy who greeted me at the recovery center? When I completed treatment, I hung out with him. Carl became my best friend. He showed me the recovery meetings, introduced me to people who had similar problems, he was there for me.
AFTER TREATMENT
I knew I needed to continue working with people who suffered from drug addiction. I started Waianae Men In Recovery, a group of men who are in recovery from drug and alcohol use. We go to schools, treatment programs, and prisons, sharing our stories and playing music, to over 30,000 kids so far. About a year ago, my friend and Waianae member was speaking at one of our events. He had done 14 years in prison and hadn't seen his kids. He felt unworthy. I arranged for his children to be present. My friend was speaking about his family, and how he wished he could see his kids, how he wanted to make amends, not knowing that they were sitting in the audience. While he was sharing his story, they came up onstage to hug him. The whole crowd broke down.
MY LIFE TODAY
I manage the Hawaii County Youth Anti-Drug Initiative for the Island of Hawaii. We have 18 different program sites and focus on substance abuse prevention. I still surf, and I go canoe-surfing in a 4-man canoe. The feeling on the water is incredible. Beautiful. Indescribable. It's just me and the ocean. No matter how many problems I get, whenever I'm in the ocean, I leave my problems there. I'm connected to the ocean.
TO EVERYONE READING THIS
What I know today is that drinking and using drugs won't get me anywhere in life. I had to stop, I had to get clean to realize there's more to life. I never realized that. Drinking and using took up so much of my time, it was all wasted energy. Being clean and sober, I can do so many more things. I'm more productive, think more clearly, have a healthier conscience. Life today is wonderful.