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Is your roommate missing more and more classes because he's still drunk from the night before? Is one of your sorority sisters staying up for days, not eating and looking especially thin because she has a problem with speed? College students often participate in high-risk behavior and sometimes don't see themselves as out of control. As a friend, you don't need to tell your friend how to live her life, but it could make a difference if you let her know that you are noticing a rocky lifestyle.
When you're in college, it can be very difficult to talk to a friend about a drinking or drug problem without sounding hypocritical. A lot of people go out three nights a week — a lot of people go out seven nights a week — so why is your friend the one with the problem? The answer is simple — your friend is a friend for a reason. You care about him and don't want something bad to happen as a result of his risky and destructive behavior.
Your friend has a false-mindset about hislifestyle — but you can try to bring him back to reality. He might like to brag about how she blacked out after his 4th keg stand of the evening. So you might want remind him of how he kissed that girl he liked — and then threw up on her shoes. He'll be embarrassed — and hopefully think about his behavior. The more your friend is aware that his actions are unhealthy, the faster he can change his lifestyle or receive help.
There is no need to lecture — just plant the seed that may spark change. This seed can simply be a small comment from you, a friend. Sometimes a small action can make a big impact. Get under your friend's skin a bit and make him feel a little uncomfortable about his unhealthy conduct. The more you sit down with your friend and explain the behavior you're noticing, how it makes you feel, what you know about substance abuse, what you need to see change, and how you promise to support your friend — he/she may be brought back into reality and begin to listen to your fears and suggestions.
Think about it like this: In the same way that drivers often "flash their brights" at oncoming drivers whose headlights are not switched off, friends can also alert one another of their "high-risk" behavior.
You're not the only person who wants to talk to a friend. Many students have concerns about the high-risk drinking of their friends and other peers. These concerns form the basis for motivating them to act.
When you confront your friend, keep in mind these simple points:
- Say what you see
- Say how you feel
- Say what you know
- Say what you need
- Say there is hope
Your friend might react very defensively or she might realize you're right. So talk to your friend -no matter what happens, if you truly care about your friend, it's worth the risk.
The dark inner circle shows five false mindsets commonly held by a person in trouble. The lighter outer circle shows the five communication tools friends, family, and others can use to shine the light of reality into those false mindsets. The more of reality a person sees, the more likely that person is to make needed changes.
It's not about getting another person to change. It is about saying what you need to say.
Used with permission from Flashing Your Brights
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