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If you are reading this page, you might be wondering if your mom or dad has a problem with alcohol or other drugs. Or you might already know they do. In either case, the information below will help you think about what to do to help them — and yourself.
Some people drink a lot of beer, wine, or hard alcohol like whisky or vodka. Some use other drugs like marijuana, cocaine, heroin, or pills. When they do, it can sometimes change the way they act and how other people act around them.
Maybe everyone gets tense when mom or dad is drinking or taking drugs. Maybe mom and dad fight a lot about how much the other person is drinking, or how often the other person is using drugs. "You've been drinking all day and that is not normal!" "Whenever you take those pills, you act crazy!"
Maybe family plans are always getting messed up. Did you ever miss out on a chance to go somewhere because your dad drank too much and forgot that you had plans? Or maybe your parent is having job problems. Does Mom ever call in sick to work after a night of drinking or taking drugs?
Maybe Mom or Dad changes into "a different person" after drinking or getting high on drugs. Sometimes people call this a "personality change" because a person who is quiet or calm gets loud, nasty, and maybe even violent. They might not remember things that happen, even if they seem to be O.K.
People who act like this probably have a problem with alcohol or drugs. Sometimes a problem with alcohol is called alcoholism, and a problem with drugs is called drug addiction.
It is not your fault! You can not make your parent have a problem with alcohol or drugs. Adults can't make other adults have these problems, either.
No one knows why a person develops a problem with alcohol or drugs. Some people start drinking or taking drugs to avoid things that make them sad, angry, or worried. Others do it to relax. Pretty soon, they are not able to face their problems except by drinking or taking drugs. Their bodies are used to the feeling that alcohol and drugs gives them, and they feel like they need to keep drinking or using drugs. If they have to go without drinking for very long, they will feel shaky and may need to vomit. They may get a headache or even see things that aren't really there.
You must remember, you did not cause the problem and you cannot make it go away. Your parent has an illness and needs help from other adults.
The first thing to do is to find an adult you trust and tell them you are worried. This person could be someone from school like a teacher, school nurse, coach, or guidance counselor. It could be your family doctor, or a minister, priest, or rabbi. The best people to talk to are people who work with children and understand problems like alcoholism and drug addiction. Find someone you can tell about what's going on.
You also need to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat right, and have fun. Kids living with parents who have problems with alcohol or other drugs can forget to take care of themselves because they are so worried about their parents all the time.
Remember, though: you are not alone. Telling someone else will help your parent and yourself.
Your parent needs help from adults who understand alcoholism and drug addiction. That's the only way things will change.
If no one finds out, then your mom or dad could get worse and hurt themselves or someone else.
If you talk with an adult and you are worried about getting your parents or yourself into trouble, you could ask that person to keep the information private until the two of you can figure out what to do.
Your parents may be angry for a while. But if the family can get help, they may be glad someone else knows. Remember, it's not your fault. Your parent is sick. You didn't cause it, and you can't stop it by yourself.
Definitely don't talk to your mom or dad when they are drinking or taking drugs. Your parent may become angry, lose control, and blame you. Wait until they are sober.
Start by trying to have an adult you trust with you when you talk to your mom or dad. If that can not happen, get advice from an adult about what you should say to Mom or Dad.
If you do decide to talk to your mom or dad, try to tell them how you feel about their drinking or drug taking. It's OK to say that it upsets you. But don't tell them what they are doing is wrong or blame them for everything that isn't going right. When adults feel blamed, they get angry and it's hard for them to listen and stay calm. Talk about your own feelings.
Try not to blurt out what you are feeling whenever you get upset. Ask your mom or dad if there is a quiet time when they can talk to you. That way they won't have to talk with you when they are in the middle of doing something else, and they won't get mad. Also, don't argue with your parent. It will not be helpful to you or them.
The most important thing to remember is that this is not your fault and you can not fix the problem. Your parent needs to get help.
Source: When Your Parent Drinks Too Much: A Book of Help and Hope for Teenagers by Eric Ryerson (Warner Books); Mary Ann Amodeo/Join Together
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